About a month ago Cory and I discovered I was pregnant. Excitement was at an all time high. We both knew this baby was suppose to be a part of our family and we'd been trying to get them here. But almost immediately I knew things weren't right. After 3 weeks of wondering I went to my doctor for an ultrasound that should have made it all better. It didn't. The ultrasound showed no baby and thus began a two day wait to see if I was really pregnant. After much blood work and praying the results were back, I was definitely pregnant, but my fears were still there, something just didn't feel right. So here I sit, almost a full week later, losing this baby. It's devastating...I long for this baby that I know wants to be here, and I'm saddened at the idea of not getting to hold them or cuddle them. I know we can try again, and I know that after 4 healthy pregnancy's that this was a "fluke" and the odds of it happening again are slim, but today I am sad.
I miss my Mom. Isn't this the kind of thing a girl is suppose to have her mommy for. Someone to tell her it will be okay and give a big hug and lots of love and support. But she is gone and I can't call her, and so today I am sad.
Tomorrow I'll put my chin up and we'll move forward. Tomorrow I will feel better and the pain will be just a little smaller. Next month I will try again to get this little spirit to our home, and I'm sure we'll succeed, but just for today, I am sad.