Friday, July 9, 2010

Today I am Sad

About a month ago Cory and I discovered I was pregnant. Excitement was at an all time high. We both knew this baby was suppose to be a part of our family and we'd been trying to get them here. But almost immediately I knew things weren't right. After 3 weeks of wondering I went to my doctor for an ultrasound that should have made it all better. It didn't. The ultrasound showed no baby and thus began a two day wait to see if I was really pregnant. After much blood work and praying the results were back, I was definitely pregnant, but my fears were still there, something just didn't feel right. So here I sit, almost a full week later, losing this baby. It's devastating...I long for this baby that I know wants to be here, and I'm saddened at the idea of not getting to hold them or cuddle them. I know we can try again, and I know that after 4 healthy pregnancy's that this was a "fluke" and the odds of it happening again are slim, but today I am sad.

I miss my Mom. Isn't this the kind of thing a girl is suppose to have her mommy for. Someone to tell her it will be okay and give a big hug and lots of love and support. But she is gone and I can't call her, and so today I am sad.

Tomorrow I'll put my chin up and we'll move forward. Tomorrow I will feel better and the pain will be just a little smaller. Next month I will try again to get this little spirit to our home, and I'm sure we'll succeed, but just for today, I am sad.

7 comments:

Marianne said...

Oh you darling girl! I love yo so much! My heart is breaking for you. I wish I could be there for my sister and wrap my arms around you! Please know that my prayers will be with you and my heart as well. Please rest and get lots of love from your little gang. Nothing else is as important, especially today!

Gail said...

Oh Annie I'm so sorry! I don't know how it feels to loose a baby, but I do know how it feels to want one so bad and not get it. It hurts. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

JAY- JEWEL -DAD said...

Annie you can still talk to your Mom. You may not hear her Voice BUT you can fill her spirit. She still Loves you and she has taught you well.
I fill her close by and Know of her Love for each of us. Her Family Is very important to her.I love you and will see you soon. LOVE DAD and JEWEL

Beth said...

Oh Annie,I love you. I've got tears for you. It is devastating to lose a baby. I had a miscarriage like 6 months before conceiving Matthew and it was hard emotionally and physically. It is good to let yourself have a sad day and then move on. I am not sad about my miscarriage anymore and I'm even glad I had the experience in a small way because now I can relate in that way to other women who have had them. I'm sure missing your mom is a big part of why you're feeling sad too. She is there for you and the Savior is there for you always. Always. John 14:18 "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."

Kory&Heather said...

Annie, I'm so sorry! I know how hard that is.... I hope thatyou know you are in my prayers and it's ok to be sad for a while....

JennMatt said...

Annie, I am terribly sorry to hear about your heartache. I haven't checked blogs in a long time. I'm sorry I'm not a better friend. I really missed you at the BBQ. It wasn't the same without you!

Hadley Family said...

It's okay to be sad. Thoughts and prayers coming your way.